Surgery #2

Yesterday I had what will hopefully be my last surgery for a long time. My mother and Jonathan took me to the hospital for outpatient surgery. I was so glad to be a patient for only a few hours as opposed to overnight like I was last surgery.

In this surgery my tissue expander was replaced with a silicone implant. The tissue expander is made to be firm and reistant so that it can serve the purpose its name describes. I am glad to be rid of it. I won't know what the final work will look like until next week when I have my check up and they remove the bandages.

This surgery has been far less painful than my last one. I can walk around with relatively little pain and have much more use of my arm than I did before. All in all I expect to have a quick recovery!

In the mean time I am relaxing at home with my mother. I have been getting plenty of sleep and enjoying the care of Jonathan, my mother and my friends. Thank you everyone for your prayers, I am so fortunate to have God and all of you supporting me.

One Year

October 6th, 2009 was exactly one year since I received my diagnosis of breast cancer. On that day I also received my last IV treatment of Herceptin, marking the last of my IV chemotherapy treatments.

I feel wonderful not having to see my oncologist every 3 weeks for IV therapy. My visits have been downgraded to once every 3 months.

I have always done this self reflection every year where I think about where I was the year prior. It has been strange and somewhat difficult as I have relived suspecting I had a tumor and learning my diagnosis with all the emotions that went with it. There were a lot of tears shed one year ago.

What is most important is that I have lived this last year, I have moved on and I am gaining momentum away from my disease.

October 28th I will have my second and hopefully last surgery. At that time the tissue expander will be replaced with a silicone implant and I will have the right breast lifted so that it matches the left. As much as I don't look forward to being a surgical patient, I am excited to feel more balanced again. I am dissapointed that I will have to be out of the water again for at least a month. Jonathan and I have been surfing every weekend- we are about to leave and go today as well- and I feel myself getting so much stronger. I am saddened when I think I may loose ground again as i am laid up in recovery.

Thank you everyone for your prayers! I couldn't have gotten through this last year without everyone.

On the road to healing

Monday marked 2 months since my surgery. According to my surgeon I can perform all of my old activities. I have been trying, I am definitely stronger than I have been in nearly 6 months, however, I still fatigue faster than I did before Chemotherapy. I know it will just take time and continuing to push myself to increase my endurance.

Much has taken place in the last 2 months and not all good. One month ago Jonathan's father passed away. He had been sick for some time but his death was still unexpected. We had spoken with him late the night he passed away. He sounded no different than any other night and we finally settled upon a date for him to fly out to Oregon- today. After we hung up the phone with him he went to sleep and didn't wake up. Our comfort can be found in that we were the last people to speak with him and the last words said between Jonathan and his father were how much they loved each other and were looking forward to seeing each other again. We flew back to Florida that week to settle his father's affairs.

Only a couple weeks after our return we found out that Jonathan's uncle was re-diagnosed with Lymphoma. This is the third time he has battled the disease and this time he will need a bone marrow transplant. Jonathan's uncle and aunt were planning on visiting Oregon on Friday of this week (2 days from now) obviously that was cancelled as he has already had 96 hours of chemotherapy.

My heart aches for Jonathan. He has been such wonderful support for me and yet those he loves the most are struggling this year. I would ask for prayers for him.

As for good news, we bought a house! The closing is still a month away, however, we pray everything will go smoothly and we will have a wonderful home of our own soon. Of course Jonathan can't move in until we are married...but that is a story for another day.

Thank you everyone who has kept up with me. I feel great, my color is back and my hair is growing. I will continue to post updates that from now on I pray will be good and stories of my healing rather than my disease.

God Bless

Survivor

Today is 3 weeks since my surgery!

Thank you so much for everyone's lovely cards and prayers. I especially want to thank Ocala Equine Hospital for remembering me and sending me such a thoughtful card!

I'm healing spectacular. Really, I have very little pain or discomfort. Yesterday I showed the plastic surgeon how I lift my arm up to break down some adhesions that had formed in my armpit and he said most people can't raise their arms up as high as I did until 2 months after surgery. I have been working in the church garden all week and have so much Organic spring mix lettuce right now. I have been giving it away to the church members and local food shelters and yet I have buckets left. Seriously I have filled up 4 16L containers, 1 55L container and a few plastic bags and I have the same amount still in the ground that I need to harvest tomorrow! I read this book called "Ministry of Healing" and one thing that is said in it is that you can't let the sick person (which can be yourself) become an Invalid or really they become incredibly selfish. That is what I think about when I'm working in the garden. I know being outside in fresh air working my muscles is healthy for me, plus it gives me time to think and pray. And I enjoy giving the food away almost as much as I enjoy eating it.

I'm getting used the scar, although with the tissue expander in it doesn't even look like I had surgery- till you see I have no nipple ;) I have my moments when I get upset, I allow myself to feel the pain and get through it. I learned a long time ago I couldn't suppress emotions or they just surfaced later even more toxic.

You know, I'm not very happy with my Oncologist right now. He is known for being very aggressive in his treatments and I haven't left an appointment with him feeling good in the last 3 months. I've been on chemo for 6 months- the most aggressive treatment plan they have for breast cancer and he never talks to me about my prognosis- my chance for survival or recurrence. He of course insists I have every treatment known possible (including radiation which I declined much to his dislike), but he's never told me- this treatment increases your chance of survival by X%, all I get is answers like- we treat young people really aggressively, so because you are young we should treat aggressive. He wants me to be on the Tamoxifen for 5 years- which really he wants me to be in menopause for 5 years, he doesn't want me to cycle at all so if I still have my periods he wants go give me hormone suppressing injections as well. I don't really want to take this med. I don't want to be in Menopause in my late 20's-early 30's. He keeps saying the Tamoxifen is good for bone density when I've told him twice now that the 3 papers comparing pre-menopausal and post-menopausal women on Tamoxifen actually shows that it is extremely bad for bone density in pre-menopausasl women. I figure I am going to try and start the drug but I'm not very good about taking medications long term. As an example, I've had the prescription for a week and haven't even remembered to fill it yet, how good do you think I'm going to be about taking it every day for 5 years?!

Anyways after being depressed for 2 days about this last Dr.s appointment I decided that 1- I'm going to see a different oncologist, and 2- I'm a survivor as of now! In fact I have been a survivor for the last 7 months! I was diagnosed 10/6/08, since then the cancer got smaller and did not spread to even one lymph node, much less any other part of my body. I have survived for 7 months and now the cancer is gone and I will continue to survive. I may have to keep having check ups to 'look' for cancer, but I will not think about that. I will think about my life and continuing to live it to the fullest. I know they won't find any more cancer because it is all gone, I have been healed through everyone's prayers.

Thank you and please, take some lettuce!

Recovery

My parents arrived May 11th. My surgery was May13th (1 week ago today) at 7:30am. The surgery was relatively uneventful for me, although apparently to the men it seemed to take forever. When I woke up I didn't really feel painful, my chest felt tight from the muscles being stretched over the tissue expander. I described the feeling as similar to my 35lb cocker spaniel sitting on my chest. The surgeons said the surgery went well, a section of lymph nodes were taken out and to the naked eye they appeared healthy. The plastic surgeon used quite a bit of local anesthetic and thought I should get more painful over the next day.

I don't know that I was really ever that painful, uncomfortable mostly. While lying on my back I relatively ok, except for the cocker spaniel sitting on my chest. It was moving that was quite the challenge. I couldn't use my left arm at all, not to push out of bed, not to adjust my position in bed, not to reach for anything, it was basically useless. Sitting and standing shifted the tissue expander and the swelling on my chest causing a temporary pain that passed once everything reached its new resting place. Once I was up I was good, I could walk around with the best of them. However, the day I came home I went upstairs to bed by myself and laid down too close to the bed edge, it took me 10 minutes to adjust myself and I quickly learned I either needed help getting into bed or I had to aim really good because once I was down on my back I was stuck there!

For the first few days I needed help getting in and out of bed. I learned to keep the cell phone within inches of my body because reaching was near impossible. Once I had to call my family on the cell phone from bed to ask them to help me get up, they were in the living room and couldn't hear my voice and like I said before, I was stuck! Yelling was also out of the question due to the cocker spaniel not allowing me to take deep breaths.

By this weekend I was starting to feel much more comfortable across my chest and could move my left arm a bit more. Then I got hit with the next challenge...Sunday morning I woke up feverish and with progressive colitis or 'the runs.' I slept all day and managed my fever with meds. The fever finally broke early Monday morning but the colitis was worse. I called the surgeon and got my antibiotics changed to ones that take care of stomach bugs- the surgeon was amused that I knew which bug was most likely suspect and what drug I should be switched to. I told the surgeon that I had been monitoring the surgery site closely and there were no signs of infection so I really believed the colitis to be the source of my fever as well. I have been slowly recovering and I tell you the stomach pain by far was worse than the surgery pain. I could repeat the mastectomy but 1.5 bottles of pepto-bismol later I'd rather not repeat the stomach upset!

Today I feel great! Still tired, still recovering slowly, but much better. I had my drain removed yesterday and my bandage with it. Today I can wear shirts relatively normally. The incision is healing beautifully and my mother is amazed at how well the plastic surgeon did. Even though we are long way from the 'finished product.' Most people wouldn't know i had a mastectomy last week if I didn't tell them.

By far, the best news is the results of the pathology. ALL the lymph nodes were negative for cancer!!!! Not only that, there was no evidence of scarring in them suggesting there had been any cancer in them before chemo. This is quite shocking to most of my doctors because I had a lot of cancer in my left breast. I have talked to many women with smaller tumors that had progressed to their lymph nodes, mine did not. The breast itself contained 3 centers of invasive DCIS, intermingled among them were multiple little areas of DCIS. The tissue showed about 20-30% response to chemo. There was no lymphovascular invasion- which if you remember from my original biopsy had been present. Lymphovasuclar invasion happens right before it moves along your lymph system to your lymph nodes. My surgeon did a marvelous job and all the margins were good.

God guided my treatment plan, God lead me to choose the mastectomy, and it was the best choice for me. I know my cancer is gone. Since I was diagnosed everyone has had their own opinion on what I should do. At times well meaning folk frustrated me more than helped me. I listened to many people, I did much research, and in the end I realized 'I' was not the one ultimately in control. 'I' could not cure myself or guess the correct treatment anymore than I could guess the lottery numbers because trust me there are that many different possible outcomes. The only thing 'I' could do is listen to God, trust God and follow his treatment plan for me. 'I' am completely satisfied with 'my' choice. Yes I would have loved not have had a mastectomy, yes it is a shame I went through that and chemo, yes I am well aware of all of the evils associated with chemo, surgery, etc. But that doesn't mean that wasn't the path I was supposed to take in life. It would have been much more pleasant for me not to have gotten this cancer to begin with, but I got it, I didn't choose to get sick, but God allowed it in my life. I know that God loves me, I know He could have prevented the cancer, I believe He prevented it from spreading, I know He could have healed me without any medications at all, but He didn't and who am 'I' to tell Him how to heal me. He lead me through this path with these treatments for a reason, I am at peace with that. Any negative side effects from these treatments I will face and I will get through with God, I am at peace with that too. So please, everyone else, be at peace with my choice. Please keep reading and learning about treatments and when/if you have to face this path yourself make your decisions, but let me make mine.

Two Days

My mother and step dad arrived today. I am so excited to have them out here again. Well for Charlie this is his first time visiting and I'm thrilled he likes the area as much as I wanted him too. Tomorrow night is my last night at home before surgery. After surgery I will spend 1-2 night in the hospital. I really don't know what to expect. I've talked to other women who have had this surgery, and I know what they experienced. However, I may experience things differently. This is not to say that I'm better than them by any means, but I don't truly know how the surgery will affect me. Everyone says it is pretty painful and uncomfortable and to take my pain meds..but...in 2001 I snapped my collar bone right in half snowboarding, I never took a single pain killer, when I was 5 I broke my wrist and my mother didn't take me to the Dr. for 3 days because I didn't complain that much about the pain, at 13 I tore my ACL, but we were on vacation so we waited until we got back home a week later to go to the doctor- my knee dislocated 5 times in that week and today is the 16th anniversary of my reconstruction surgery, I remember waking up from surgery very painful, but not much pain after that. My choices of recreation are comprised of sports that routinely get me clobbered, whether it be taking an elbow to the face playing soccer or scraping my knees on the cement skateboarding. So I'm not really sure how painful this will be for me. Either way I know they will have plenty of pain meds ready for me.

The results of all of my scans last week are encouraging. The CT/PET did not show any signs of cancer anywhere outside of my left breast, that means my lymph nodes are clear and no malignancies on any other organs. The ultrasound showed much improvement on the tumor, the only minor issue was on the mammogram. Apparently they are seeing more microclusters of calcium deposits in the right breast. Calcium deposits like this can be early signs of cancer...or they can be completely normal as were the samples they took from my right breast 6 months ago. I knew then that if my body was already making these microclusters it would probably continue to make them, however, every time they show up we have to discuss if invasive measures such as biopsies are needed. We decided to repeat an MRI, which I had performed today. I don't have the results yet, but I think they are going to be fine. God has been taking care of me this far and I know he will continue to.

It seems kind of surreal to have the surgery so close, and yet I'm not nervous or afraid. I pray the nerves do not set in at anytime. I think my biggest fear is not the surgery itself, but the thought of having to live with the results for the rest of my life. I find the situation ironic really. I'm from south Florida where plastic surgery is a way of life. And yet I have never had any plastic surgery performed because I have always been happy with my appearance, now I HAVE to have plastic surgery. I guess I don't really HAVE to...but if I want to look at all like I once did I do...but the truth is in a couple days I will never again look the way I look now, and that is the scariest part. Those that know me very well know that I don't have any tattoos. People have many reasons for not getting tattoos, few people know that my main reason stems from my fear of committing to something permanent on my body. I always worried I'd get something that seemed like a good idea at the time only to hate it for many years to come. That same fear surfaces when I think of this surgery, after all, it is my choice to have it and I have to live with the results. A funny memory keeps coming to mind of something my friend Paul said to me a long time ago. I've already mentioned my love for sports that sometimes don't love me back. I was in Australia and I had been out surfing, somehow when I got tumbled in a wave my fin scraped a chunk of flesh off my right shin. I returned to Paul's house with my fresh gash. He looked at my legs already marked with my ACL surgery scar, scars from skateboarding and a time I got scraped on barnacles surfing and he smiled at me and said- "you know why this happened? Because you needed just one more scar on your body" I smiled and we both laughed at that. Every time I think about this surgery those words ring in my ears, and I can't help but smile to myself.

The Countdown

Hi Everyone, I feel pretty darn good. I'm still worn out after a long day of working, but when allowed to get a good night's rest I feel nearly back to normal.

In 1.5 weeks my mother and stepfather will be out here for my surgery. I'm so excited to show them more of Oregon, especially as it will be coming into our most beautiufl season- Summer.

On Tuesday I started the higher dose Herceptin treatments that are given only once every three weeks. This means that theoretically, after my surgery, I can go 3 weeks without having a Dr. appointment. Do you realize I have had weekly Dr. appointments for the last 6 months? And that is just my Oncologist, not meeting with other Drs or having other appointments. Can you believe it? I don't know that I have been to the Dr. 6 times in the last 6 years, much less weekly! I say theoretically because next week I still have an appointment with my Oncologist to make sure we have all the pre-op stuff scheduled. I know he wanted another Echo of my heart, I also need to ask if he wants to Oncotype the tumor. Oncotyping is something they do now on the tumor that has been resected to give you the probability of it returning. Then also next week I have to have a CT/PET, Mammogram, and Ultrasound, plus of course the already mentioned Echo. The following week- May 13th, is my surgery, and I will have a 'check up' to hopefully have my drain removed the following week. Sooooo in about 4 weeks I can theoretically stop going to the Drs every week! haha

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and prayers.

Katie